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[Oct. 12th, 2008|09:41 pm] |
Disclaimer: This post is kinda religious, so if you find this topic boring, do not need to read on (:
Today is the first Cell Group Meeting that i've attended after i have decided to accept christ last Sunday, 05th October 2008.
A new chapter of my life, a life with God. Im going to speak to him, pray to him, and may God bless all my friends and families around me, regardless Christians or Non-christians.
Hmm, actually i do not have any intention of accepting christ AT ALL the first time i attend church. My intention were just to accept XB's invitation to attend his church since he had been asking me a couple of times. I didn't really feel anything special, neither do i have a sense of belonging there. I even felt that i couldn't breathe (but after that i realised it was the consequence of drinking a large coffee for dinner). He must have pathed another route for me to get close to Him, for i randomly messaged J that night, and actually hoping that he would just invite me to his Church, which he did. I loved that place, not just for the friends and the people there, but the spiritual talk that the pastor deliver, i just feel that it can be applied to every part of my life. However, even when J asked if i will be willing to accept christ, i adamently said no. I went home, and i keep telling Him that He shld show that He is real and He is the answer, but he didn't. So i conclude that maybe He's not that great afterall.
He's not giving me up i guess, cos i've been anticipating for the next service, and coincidentally during the first service the people there owed me some free food (yes that my favourite!) and drinks coupon, and told me to get it from them if i go back again. And that serve as a perfect motivation and excuse for me to pick up my phone again and messaged J that i want to visit his church again. It was beyond me, i didn't expect myself to be initiaiting that i want to go for the service again, and this time, i actually asked Z along too! (:
During the second service, before the start of preaching, they talked about how He has sacrificed for us, His blood and His body, etc. The atmosphere there was a touching one, it seems like everyone got so touched and some are tearing. I'm part of them too, but i keep telling myself that i'm crying not bcos i'm touched by what He had done for us, but because of external influences. I prayed hard for Him to show His presence, and show to me that He's there, once again. This time, i got this unexplainable feeling, and i started crying can! Oh my so malu. Lols. Its not as if He's standing in front of me or whatever, but the feeling that i had is so...... (don't know how to explain) when they asked for those people who've raised up their hands to walk up to the front to accept christ, i went up, willingly, from the bottom of my heart. I was sure that it was not under the influence of anyone, and im not attending church because of anyone, but for myself. I want to love him. This love is not driven by emotions, but by my will. I want to get closer to Him, and feel His love. Even though till now i didn't really hear him speaking to me, but some how i can sense that He's showering His love on me in little ways in life, slowly, but surely. I want to be committed, and i want to follow Him. |
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